She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
