could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
