I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
