I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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