We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
