I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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