NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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