We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so let's talk penis.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
