Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
