Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
