you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
