That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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