I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
