I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
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Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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