Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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