I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
