I can text with my tongue
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
