omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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