We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
