my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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