Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This house was built for laser tag.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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