Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
