I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize