I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
