Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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