The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
