Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize