I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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