We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
