i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
