i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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