he thought i was a dude.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
