I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
