I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
