he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
