the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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