i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
