there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
