My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
