it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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