I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
