did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
