I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
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I need you to use more vowels.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
