Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
from now on my penis is your penis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just forgot I was standing up.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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