i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
