So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
