You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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