Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
