Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
