If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
