I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
