not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
