Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
