You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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