I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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