Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
