all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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