im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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