Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
