she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize